TUESDAY
11 November 2008
Yvonne and Ed’s house is haunted. More than once, Yvonne has mentioned how their cat Asta can see ghosts, or ’shadow people’ as she calls them. These are the things our eyes seemingly catch every so often, but we write them off as our mind playing tricks on us. Come on! Is it not bad enough there are killer coyotes from the underworld lurking outside (like the one I talked about here on Day 65)? Now I have to deal with ghosts, too? Crap.
Of course, Yvonne and Ed are in Tahoe for the week and I’m in the house alone, so it’s completely logical that NOW is the time when all the creepy, creaky, things-that-go-bump will all rear their disembodied heads.
Last night was the strangest night. I didn’t sleep well. SOMETHING was keeping me from sleeping. Asta wasn’t helping. He sleeps in the bed with me on occasion, and last night he was particularly active – he was up, he was down, he was out, he was sitting on the windowsill, and then I wake up and he’s 4 inches from my face staring at me. Maybe he was stealing my breath or whatever that old wives tale that is (or was that only something I saw in a movie?). Asta is darling and I don’t think that’s in his constitution, but still… cats are sneaky that way.
Ed and Yvonne have a cuckoo clock in the kitchen and another grandfather clock in the hallway, both of which go off every hour (of course). One of the songs the kitchen clock plays is this pseudo-”Edelweiss” knock-off, and in my half-sleep/half-awake freakiness about the shadow people, I swear one of the times it went off, it sounded like the most hellish, demented version of that Rodgers & Hammerstein anthem you’ve ever heard. My half conscious mind immediately conjured images of the Von Trapp Family singers’ heads exploding all over their coordinated, curtain outfits. It was like a totally disgusting, effed up deleted scene from Scanners or something. Immediately after, the grandfather clock in the hall began playing what sounded like a bell-tolling death march. Yikes. Did I eat cheese before going to bed or what?
At around 4am, I swear someone or something was walking through the house. Now, Yvonne and Ed arranged for the neighbor girl to take care of feeding their outdoor cats, but there was no way she was coming over at 4am. Plus, she’d have no reason to walk all the way from the back hall (where the kitty food is), through the house to Yvonne and Ed’s bathroom. Even weirder: whatever it was brushed their teeth while they were in there. Yeah, I know, but I swear it was for realz. Do the undead really need to be concerned with plaque buildup and healthy gums?
I’m sure you’ll agree what I did next makes perfect sense. Unsure whether it was the neighbor girl, an intruder with dental hygiene issues or a phantasm, I called out, “HELLO?” Now, I wasn’t fully conscious and I’m completely defenseless, so this was the smart thing to do, right? Sure it was. Unfortunately, I was in one of those dream-like, paralyzed states where you can’t move or form words, so instead of “HELLO?” it came out “glurm-flum-thhhhh.” I am so damn menacing, right??
I’m not sure what happened next, but at least I woke up in one piece. Very strange night, though.
