I saw my first naked celebrity last week, in person! Not on the internet or on “Celebrities Gone Wild” or nuthin’, but with my own eyes.
I was not at all surprised either. It was a very logical happenstance in my mind.
A few days ago, I decided to treat myself to a massage. I had some errands to run on Rodeo Drive later in the afternoon (oh, the life!), so I decided to visit a hoity-toity spa in Century City. I even opted for the extended remix massage – 80 minutes instead of 50. Yeah, das’right. I’m worth it!
It was a gorgeous facility, and one of those places where prospective employees must be required to submit headshots with their application, because everyone was beautiful. Like, stunningly beautiful. Like, “You are so beautiful, I want to slap you.” And I’m a non-violent person for the most part. It’s all good, though. We’re all one. Plus, if like attracts like, then I was so obviously in the right place because I’m stunning, fabulous and beautiful, too! Yeah, I said it! I’m beautiful, damnit! If it sounds vain to you, might I lovingly suggest you look inward, as this is likely an issue you have to address within. It’d be a wonderful thing if more people would out-and-out claim their beauty, don’t you think? Moving on…
I was running behind, so I only had about 15 minutes to change and get to the waiting room before my scheduled time, but I did want to shower and sit in the steam room to loosen up my muscles a bit, if only for a few minutes. Nothing raunchy here, pervs – as if my delicate constitution would even allow such salaciousness! – but most health care practitioners would, I think, agree that a trip to the steam room is healthy and worthwhile, despite it being a breeding ground for fungus, bacteria and God only knows what else. I’m sure y’all are happy to learn I now speak for health care practitioners worldwide, too.
Anyhoo, in all my nakedness, I saw Neil Patrick Harris there. He was at the sink brushing his teeth or something. The glamorous life in Hollywood, baby!! He was en route to the showers, so unfortunately, this wasn’t really the time to chat him up. I suppose it is a personal boundary I have, but approaching someone while they are soaped up in the shower stall just seems… well… inappropriate and, uh… TACKY – even if it IS for professional reasons and not for reasons of a more personal nature. It’d be another story if this were – and I’m speaking TOTALLY hypothetically here – a bathhouse on Raamstraat in Amsterdam. (Not that I have any direct personal knowledge or experience in such things… um… but I’ve heard stories, OK?!) However, that is not the experience I expect to have with Mr. Harris. I knew that had we been anywhere else in the facility, and had some modicum of coverage on, I would not have had an issue chatting him up. That was a fun realization for me.
I found his presence there curious and fascinating in that I have had a script I’ve wanted to get to him for a long time, and that idea recently came back into my head again. So I’ve actually had Neil Patrick Harris on the brain in recent weeks, and suddenly (or not?), there he was. I am a man of power. How else do you explain it?